


An Intern-vention

by nessismore



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, F/M, Friendship, Intervention, Relationship Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 20:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessismore/pseuds/nessismore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What exactly is this?” Steve asks cautiously. It really shouldn’t surprise him that they’ve managed to break into his room. Or rather, enter it without permission, as Pepper had so prettily put it.</p>
<p>Pepper, sitting between Bruce and Jane, clears her throat delicately. “Let’s call it an intervention.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>In which The Avengers take it upon themselves to find a cure for the major case of UST going on with the Star Spangled with a Plan and Dr. Foster's intern.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Intern-vention

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Merideath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merideath/gifts).



> So this is a super late birthday fic for Merideath, because the fic I was writing her originally was awful. Once upon a time she prompted "Darcy/Steve, the team calls them out on their UST" so have this cracky little fic. I hope you enjoy, bb, and belated happy b-day :)
> 
> Thanks very much to katertots for looking this over! Any remaining mistakes are totally my bad.

“What the hell?” Darcy squawks as someone grabs her arm, pulling her into a darkened lab. Darkness swallows her as she hears the door close, lock. “Hello?” she calls, swiping her arms out to hit out at whoever grabbed her. Her assailant releases her arm, and she staggers forward into a chair. 

A voice comes out of the darkness, deep and foreboding. “Have a seat Miss Lewis.”   

“I can’t see,” she growls. A single light turns on, illuminating the trio of figures at the front of the room.

The figure in the middle steps forward. “We need to have a talk.”

—

“This wasn’t my idea,” Bruce says, holding his hands up like that absolves him of guilt. Steve raises a brow and sits down in his armchair, studying the trio on the couch.

“What exactly is this?” Steve asks cautiously. It really shouldn’t surprise him that they’ve managed to break into his room. Or rather, _enter it without permission_ , as Pepper had so prettily put it.

Pepper, sitting between Bruce and Jane, clears her throat delicately. “Let’s call it an intervention.”

—

“An intern-vention?” Darcy snorts, crossing her legs and settling back in her seat. “Really, Tony?”

The lights are on now, and at least this doesn’t look like the beginning of a creepy horror movie. Tony, Natasha, and Clint regard her coolly as they approach. She feels very much like a prey. Then Tony grins. “You don’t like it? I like it.”

“He came up with it,” Natasha says, rolling her eyes.

“What exactly is this _intern-vention_ all about?”

Tony smiles a smile that strikes fear into Darcy’s heart. “Steve.”

—

“What about Darcy?” Steve asks warily. 

Pepper, Jane, and Bruce regard him steadily. “This…situation you have going on. It’s troubling.”

Steve stares at Bruce in disbelief. “Troubling?” That’s not exactly how he’d describe his relationship with her. Frustrating, funny, _unsettled_ , but definitely not troubling. And definitely none of their business. He tells them so.

“Darcy’s my intern, so she is my business,” Jane says firmly. “Don’t get us wrong, we think it’s sweet that you like her so much. But you need to do something about the—“

—

“—sexual tension,” Tony says, shaking his head. “It’s a little much.”

Clint nods in agreement. “People are starting to carry around condoms in their pocket, just in case you two simultaneously break out into fucking.”

Darcy looks to Natasha for her opinion, who raises her eyebrows in a way that says, _You really have to ask_?

“You need to do something about this.” Tony jabs a finger at her for emphasis. “For all of our sakes.”

Darcy rolls her eyes. “And what do you propose I do, oh Wise One?”

—

“Romance her.” Pepper punctuates this with a nod.

Steve actually laughs. “Do you really think Darcy’s the romantic type?”

“Most people are,” she insists, “all she needs is for you to—“

—

“Seduce him.”

Darcy’s spine stiffens, and she sits up straighter. “Excuse me?”

“You need to seduce Steve,” Tony reiterates.

She can’t believe this. Okay, well, she can because it’s Tony and he’s so delightfully invasive. What she can’t believe is that Clint and Natasha are standing on either side of him, nodding enthusiastically. “Don’t you think that’s a little presumptuous? I feel like Steve would feel better about an actual relationship if we took it a little slower?”

Tony shakes his head. “Not necessary.”

She looks at Clint, who arches his brows, and Natasha, who says, “Well strictly speaking, it’s not.”

“Hook him with sex, Lewis,” Tony says with a grin. “The lovey dovey can come after.”

—

“The romantic things should come first,” Pepper says authoritatively. “Don’t lay it on too heavy, and don’t just go in for the kill.”

“Darcy’s a little skittish when it comes to romance,” Jane adds. “You need to take it slow.”

“Thanks for your concern, everybody, but—“

“And don’t disrespect her.” This comes from Bruce, who’s looking at Steve intently, like a “hurt her, I’ll Hulk out on you” is three seconds away.

—

“Of course, if you break his heart I’ll have to kill you,” Natasha says solemnly. Darcy barks out a laugh. It dies when she realizes that Natasha is quite serious. 

“Come on, you guys, I don’t need your help with this. I’ve got it.”

“You don’t.” Tony pulls a box out from behind the table. “But luckily we’ve got a plan. And supplies.”

—

“Did you really rent me a Tux?” Steve demands, as Pepper produces a garment bag from the closet. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate your help, but I can plan my own dates.”

“It’s a solid date,” Bruce says defensively. “I picked out the restaurant myself. Darcy loves Italian.” Jane nods enthusiastically.

Steve runs his hands through his hair and bites back a groan. “I’m sure it’s a great restaurant, but the opera? That isn’t really Darcy’s thing.”

“She’s got Puccini on her iPod,” Jane points out. “She’ll love it.”

—

“He’ll love it!” Tony protests as Darcy throws a pair of heels at him. They’re wrapped up in scraps of barely-there lingerie. 

“You might as well stick us in a room that’s got a heart-shaped, vibrating bed.” She rifles through the box for something else to throw at Tony. “Handcuffs?”

“He could be into that,” Tony says defensively as he dodges the cuffs just in time. 

“Is this a list of aphrodisiacs?” Darcy’s voice is practically a shriek. She lobs that at Tony’s head as well. She tosses the whip at Clint because he’s laughing his head off. “Are you serious? Are you seriously serious?” 

There’s a sparkle in Natasha’s eye that says she’s clearly not, but Clint and Tony are looking at her like puppies expecting praise.

Darcy turns on her heel and walks out without a word.

—

“Look, I’m touched by your concern,” Steve says gently, interrupting Pepper’s recitation of their plan. 

“You need help,” Bruce insists. Steve’s got a headache and he gets to his feet. He’s been trying to get them to go for the last half hour, and it’s time for some assertiveness.

“I really don’t. So if you’re not going to leave, I am. Don’t break anything on your way out.”

—

Steve runs into Darcy in the elevator as he’s heading down to the lobby. As usual, his fingers itch with the need to reach out and stroke her, anywhere, everywhere. His heart flip flops as she sends him a sultry smile. “Hi,” he says, his voice slightly strained.

“Hi.” She steps into the elevator, and he almost can’t breathe with the need to touch her.

“So,” he says. “How do you feel about opera?”

She tilts her head to the side and considers a moment.  “It’s opera. I like to play Puccini to annoy Jane when she’s being difficult about stopping with the science. Why?”

“Someone thinks that would make a good date for us.”

She throws her head back laughs. “Not you, too!”

As the doors close, he gives in to his need to feel her skin against his, brushing his fingers against her cheek. He loves the way she leans into his touch. “Mmmm,” he hums, nuzzling against her hair. “Bruce, Pepper, and Jane think I need help in the romance department.”

Darcy giggles. “Nope, I think you’ve got that covered. Even if it’s currently a secret. Tony, Clint, and Nat gave me lingerie.They told me to seduce you.”

Steve lifts his head and looks down at her in interest. “Oh? Did you keep the lingerie?”

“No.” She gets up on her tiptoes to brush her lips against his jaw. “I know you prefer things that leave _something_ to the imagination. I’ve got something much more interesting in mind later on.” He holds back a groan and wraps his arms around her and presses a rough kiss to her lips. They break apart just as the elevator dings, and they step into the sea of activity in the lobby. 

“I’ll see you for dinner tonight?” he asks quietly.

“Can’t wait.” She wiggles her fingers at him as she goes. They’re not willing to come out with their relationship at the moment, but he’s willing to put up with any amount of interventions as long as he’s got Darcy.


End file.
